death by noodles

02Dec09

i once heard a story about a grad student who was so poor, all he ate was instant noodles.  every day he ate instant noodles for over a month.  and then he died from a heart attack.

i’m reminded of the story on day 3 of my instant noodle spree.  now that i think about it, i’m pretty sure he ate ramen for every single meal, whereas i’m just eating it for lunch.  for the third day in a row.

faithful readers would note that i don’t really update much or talk about ghana as much as one might expect.  well, here is an update:  i won’t be in ghana much longer.  i quit my job and am heading back to the states in a short time.  overall the job just was not for me – my project fell apart, i was working by myself as opposed to in a team, and i had no contact with the lead researchers.  but even knowing all those things, quitting was probably the biggest, scariest decision i’ve had to make in my life so far.  i’m very excited to have made it, and to realize that i’m growing up, that the decisions i make are ultimately mine, and i’ll have to deal with the consequences.  the agency, the responsibility is exhilarating.

so what to do from here?  on one hand, i’m slowly tiring of the poor student life. but on the other hand, i feel like i haven’t fully delved into this faux-pas-verty living.  or rather, i haven’t really extracted the benefits from being young and having nothing to lose.  it’s not like i have a high paying job, or bills to pay, or a family to feed.  so why not dive headfirst into the frenzied world of the bohemian bourgeois (bobo) for a little while, while i can still stand it?

then of course, the tiny voice in my head that remembers stuff from econ class screams, “what about the opportunity costs?  what happened to discounting the future?  investing in today pays off tomorrow.  but investing in being a bobo will not.”  ideally i’d find something that can conjoin the two like freak twins.  or i’ll just get one out of my system and choose the other.

i’ll be relocating to new york city while i figure all of this out.  i’m excited to choose the next steps of my path, knowing that they could potentially lead to a long a fruitful career.  but i also know that no decision i make now has to dictate the course of my life if i don’t want it to.  i have many options.  but…

i wouldn’t say the sky is the limit for me, not anymore.  i know myself better than to say i could be anything.  for me, my potential is more like the sea.  if i pick a time and place, and i trust that it’s right, i can settle in and sink down, and just sink there, until i’ve hit the bottom.  even if it’s miles deep.  the problem is that i’ll swim to the surface if i think sinking – or the prospects of where i’ll land – isn’t worth it.  why i might do so is becoming clearer to me.  either i don’t enjoy the fall or i don’t believe in the outcome.  so for me, i realize my greatest strength and weakness – that i’m able to accomplish anything that i truly want, and i’m unable to do anything i don’t truly want.

anyway, i will see you folks soon.  i miss you.

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